Haven't blogged because really not much has been going on. Just getting into the flow of fall. Hate when summer goes. Someday I hope Oliver and I can move to warmer climate. I need the beach.
Anyway, some simple things that we've been dealing with........
As most of you know, I've always wanted the experience of being with a woman. Oliver has supported me on that.
One day, I came across another dom that had a submissive who wanted the same. She was inexperienced with women as well.
Initially I was very excited about the opportunity, but as time went on I became more and more apprehensive. This other submissive wanted to top me. My feeling of wanting to go through with this became non existent. I was scared and uncomfortable. I didn't think my demi brain could handle that happening to me. Oliver agreed completely and unfortunately had to message the dom and explain that we had to back out.
It was disappointing, but I'm happy that we backed out before a mistake was made. My head is in a very fragile place right now. I'm still experiencing being with a new Dom (growing pains) and with the tragic death in my family......well.....just not in the right place. I am hoping some day though......
Also, of late, I have picked up a very bad habit of unintentionally trying to top. Oliver has been very patient with me, but I think He's on His last bought of patience. I topped and was punished. The punishment wasn't severe but I was warned. I don't do it on purpose, of course. I think because I get in "control mode" in my day to day life I just keep going with it and don't think before I speak or act. Good right? NOT! How do I control this? I asked Oliver if He thought this meant I wasn't submissive. I was starting to question my own being. Started over thinking and now I think I've made myself sick. Blah! When will I ever learn to just hand things over. GET IT TOGETHER KIKI!!! Geez!!!!! By the way when I say I'm topping, it's not physically. UGH I COULD NEVER! It's just verbally like what we should do for dinner. Stupid things like that.
Now for the fun stuff.............................new toys!!! YAY!!!
Anyway, some simple things that we've been dealing with........
As most of you know, I've always wanted the experience of being with a woman. Oliver has supported me on that.
One day, I came across another dom that had a submissive who wanted the same. She was inexperienced with women as well.
Initially I was very excited about the opportunity, but as time went on I became more and more apprehensive. This other submissive wanted to top me. My feeling of wanting to go through with this became non existent. I was scared and uncomfortable. I didn't think my demi brain could handle that happening to me. Oliver agreed completely and unfortunately had to message the dom and explain that we had to back out.
It was disappointing, but I'm happy that we backed out before a mistake was made. My head is in a very fragile place right now. I'm still experiencing being with a new Dom (growing pains) and with the tragic death in my family......well.....just not in the right place. I am hoping some day though......
Also, of late, I have picked up a very bad habit of unintentionally trying to top. Oliver has been very patient with me, but I think He's on His last bought of patience. I topped and was punished. The punishment wasn't severe but I was warned. I don't do it on purpose, of course. I think because I get in "control mode" in my day to day life I just keep going with it and don't think before I speak or act. Good right? NOT! How do I control this? I asked Oliver if He thought this meant I wasn't submissive. I was starting to question my own being. Started over thinking and now I think I've made myself sick. Blah! When will I ever learn to just hand things over. GET IT TOGETHER KIKI!!! Geez!!!!! By the way when I say I'm topping, it's not physically. UGH I COULD NEVER! It's just verbally like what we should do for dinner. Stupid things like that.
Now for the fun stuff.............................new toys!!! YAY!!!
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