........and I haven't been blogging much because nothing much has been going on or happening. I figured people are more interested in seeing pictures. Mentally though, blogging helps me and I have been ordered to start doing it more often. Not just when I have pictures to share.
I guess some days I am still struggling with being in an up and personal relationship with a Dom. I struggle with obeying and pushing back. We've discussed and I think it's my unintentional way to see if He can really handle me. I am a very strong person so it takes a big man to be able to control me. It was easier in the long distance relationship because I was unable to 'test' him. I couldn't really push back. I obeyed because the only person I would have been unpleasing is myself (had I been able to lie). When I did disobey in the LDR it was disappointing to me because I couldn't see if after the punishment he was okay with me.
Wait.....I don't think I'm making any sense. Let me try to explain better.................
Ok, so here with Oliver when I disappoint or disobey it's easier for me to feel better afterwards because I can see His reaction to things. I can make things better by being with Him and seeing Him. In the LDR I couldn't do that.
Anyway, it's about me doing this 'testing' thing with Him. I do hate that I do that. And I REALLY do hate being a strong person. I REALLY do want to give Him everything. I'm going to make a REAL conscious effort to do so. I think that when I wake daily I should add to my morning routine that I will remember that He REALLY will take care of me and all that surrounds me.
Waiting to get hurt is no way to live your life. I also need to remember that. I have to remember that it's okay to trust people again. I also have to remember not to be SO trusting, but also that He is the one that I can.
I'm not sure I'm making much sense in this post, but it's because we had another amazing night and although it was amazing, I did wake with a migraine. Those pills make me so darn dizzy!
It was a late night and I don't think that He did as much to me that He planned on. I feel lately we don't get very much play time. And man today, do I need more!!!!!!! He has me wearing these new ben wa balls He got me. They're pretty cool. They have a ball with in the ball. So when I move I can feel them really move inside me. I also really love the new nipple toys. I love watching my nipples grow. Getting wet just thinking about them. I wonder if He will let me use them alone???? I'll have to ask. I think I'd like to use them while using the wand on myself...........maybe even use something to fuck my ass...........whew - ok, getting carried away.
So back to last night. Again...amazing. I love Daddy's cock! It's literally so perfect! The taste, the look, the feel (isn't that some commercial or something? Oh yes!!!! Cotton - HA!!!)
So here are some pics from last night.........enjoy.
PS - I'll be writing more often. This was good for me.
I guess some days I am still struggling with being in an up and personal relationship with a Dom. I struggle with obeying and pushing back. We've discussed and I think it's my unintentional way to see if He can really handle me. I am a very strong person so it takes a big man to be able to control me. It was easier in the long distance relationship because I was unable to 'test' him. I couldn't really push back. I obeyed because the only person I would have been unpleasing is myself (had I been able to lie). When I did disobey in the LDR it was disappointing to me because I couldn't see if after the punishment he was okay with me.
Wait.....I don't think I'm making any sense. Let me try to explain better.................
Ok, so here with Oliver when I disappoint or disobey it's easier for me to feel better afterwards because I can see His reaction to things. I can make things better by being with Him and seeing Him. In the LDR I couldn't do that.
Anyway, it's about me doing this 'testing' thing with Him. I do hate that I do that. And I REALLY do hate being a strong person. I REALLY do want to give Him everything. I'm going to make a REAL conscious effort to do so. I think that when I wake daily I should add to my morning routine that I will remember that He REALLY will take care of me and all that surrounds me.
Waiting to get hurt is no way to live your life. I also need to remember that. I have to remember that it's okay to trust people again. I also have to remember not to be SO trusting, but also that He is the one that I can.
I'm not sure I'm making much sense in this post, but it's because we had another amazing night and although it was amazing, I did wake with a migraine. Those pills make me so darn dizzy!
It was a late night and I don't think that He did as much to me that He planned on. I feel lately we don't get very much play time. And man today, do I need more!!!!!!! He has me wearing these new ben wa balls He got me. They're pretty cool. They have a ball with in the ball. So when I move I can feel them really move inside me. I also really love the new nipple toys. I love watching my nipples grow. Getting wet just thinking about them. I wonder if He will let me use them alone???? I'll have to ask. I think I'd like to use them while using the wand on myself...........maybe even use something to fuck my ass...........whew - ok, getting carried away.
So back to last night. Again...amazing. I love Daddy's cock! It's literally so perfect! The taste, the look, the feel (isn't that some commercial or something? Oh yes!!!! Cotton - HA!!!)
So here are some pics from last night.........enjoy.
PS - I'll be writing more often. This was good for me.
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